10 Tips to Prevent Burnout
Parental burnout takes a significant toll on your mental health, and can have long term negative health impacts. Burnout among parents is way too prevalent these days.
Unfortunately, we are living in a society that celebrates those who do it all and donβt rest. We give out gold stars for overdoing it. This is leading to exhausted, anxious, apathetic parents that have lost their spark.
Another problem is that too often parents are too scared to admit they are burnt out, in fear of feeling like a βbad or ungrateful parentβ. We want you to know that you are not alone, and you are not a bad parent if you are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, short-tempered etc.! There are many pieces to preventing burnout and supporting yourself through it, and we are here to help! Here are a few areas to start taking a look at, in no particular order!
1. Ask for, and learn to receive help without guilt.
This is easier said than done but is so important to learn to recognize when it is too much, and when you need help. In this pandemic era, this is even more prevalent.
Sometimes, making a list of things throughout the week that arenβt working or that are making you feel overwhelmed can be helpful. Look at it, and see what you can delegate, or change to better suit your family, not what youβve seen on social media or heard is the right thing to do.
If you feel guilty asking for help, receiving help, or feel that you are not worthy of help, we encourage you to explore this further with a counsellor or other mental healthcare practitioner. You ARE worth it. You ARE worthy of help and time to yourself. You ARE worthy of a break.
2. Explore the cultural expectations vs. realities of parenthood.
The expectations of being a mom, or dad, have deep-rooted, cultural and generational influences and beliefs. Often, these are carried without you knowing it, and prior to even becoming a parent. These βexpectationsβ can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, frustration and feelings of not being a βgood parentβ when they donβt match the reality of your life and family situation. Feeling this way constantly often leads to burnout. What in your life are you carrying as an expectation that doesnβt meet the reality of your situation? Can you change or let go of some of this? (again, easier said than done).
3. Become comfortable saying no
Getting clear on your boundaries for yourself, and your family, can be a huge way to free up time for yourself and your burnout recovery. FOMO is real, we get it. But starting to get crystal clear about the things you actually want to do, and are serving you and your family in a positive way, can help prevent yourself from overdoing it unnecessarily.
4. Prioritize sleep
If youβre reading this and you are a parent, you know the effects that sleep deprivation has on your mood and energy levels. Nighttime parenting is an inevitable part of parenting and particularly the early days can leave you feeling so depleted depending on your babies eating / sleeping schedule.
If you are a breastfeeding/chestfeeding mama, and your baby isnβt taking a bottle yet, hang in there. Even though this feels like it wonβt end, it will. You will sleep again. I promise. Try to get a nap or two in during the day if at all possible when you arenβt feeding babe.
If your baby is taking breastmilk but also taking bottles, try passing one of the night feeds off to your partner so you can get a longer stretch. I find the easiest one is the first one of the night.
If you are out of the feeding during the night stage but have toddlers waking you up, I donβt have much to say other than try and trade-off with your partner if possible.
If your kids arenβt waking you up, but you just arenβt sleeping well, letβs talk. There are lots of ways we can help you get to sleep faster and stay asleep. To start, take the dang phone out of your room and stop scrolling right up until the minute you close your eyes!
5. Practice mindfulness
Turning inwards and checking into how you are feeling at various times throughout the day can take you out of your head, and into the moment. This can really help to practice when things are calm and going well, so that when they arenβt you have the skills to pull on.
6. Focus on your nutrition
Using food as the fuel source that it is meant to be, helps your energy and mood. This doesnβt mean you have to have perfect nutrition. We all know the foods that tend to make us feel crappy, including processed food and foods high in sugar. Keeping those limited, and focusing on high-quality, nutrient-dense food the majority of the time can do wonders. A guide we like for building a meal is:
1/2 plate - non-starchy vegetables
1/4 plate - starchy vegetables and/or other carbohydrate
1/4 plate - protein source (about a palm size)
add healthy fats as condiments or in other ways to meals
If you want a more customized nutrition approach, we are happy to help, as everyone has their own unique nutrition needs!
7. Move your body, ideally outside
Movement, and physical activity, is one of the most research-based ways to combat stress and prevent burnout. It is one of the main ways to tell your body, and mind - βahh, we are safe now, we donβt have to stay in this stressed state all the timeβ.
We donβt care what you do, or how you do it, just move your body! Ideally, for 20-30 minutes to the point of your heart rate increasing most days.
8. Reduce the mental load
The mental load of being a parent is next level. There are always things on your mind that need to be done. Something that really helps us and our patients is reducing that mental load.
We accomplish this by dividing up our household tasks in a way that allows one person to be solely responsible for that task. This includes the conception, planning, and execution of said task.
For example, if someone is in charge of cooking, they make the meal plan, ensure there are the correct groceries for the meal, and then cook the meal. This way the other person thinks about nothing to do with this task. We borrow this from the book Fair Play by Eve Rodsky if you want to learn more about this, and it really helps free up mental space and reduce the invisible mental load.
9. Schedule βyou timeβ and βunproductive' time
Time for yourself can do your mental state wonders. What do you like to do that you donβt do anymore now that you are a parent? Is it painting? Reading? Dancing? Playing a sport? Try to find time for that thing, that thing that makes you smile, fills your cup, and makes you feel like you.
10. Build a healthcare team for yourself
We werenβt meant to do this alone, and having a team of professionals on your side if you are nearing or in burnout is so helpful. We, as naturopathic doctors, can help in the form of assessing your unique health needs, possibly looking at nutrient deficiencies, and utilizing herbs, supplements, and pharmaceuticals to help if indicated. Some other practitioners we often refer to depending on patientsβ needs are counsellors, massage therapists, physiotherapists, chiropractors, and more.
In health,
Dr. Rory and Dr. Ally
Burnout, in our opinion, is endemic amongst modern parents. There is support available for you!
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